I have been a sponsor in CEA-HOW for several years, and something has begun to bother me a good deal. In listening to the sponsee as she does her inventory, there are often stories of sexual abuse and date rapes, but recently I heard a horrendous story of a violent rape. We should have some counselors for referrals for these women if we are going to hear their traumatic stories.
What about us as sponsors who listen to such horrific things? How do we process and let go of them?
I feel it is irresponsible to just listen to these stories of sexual trauma without taking action.
When working with a sponsee who has had a history of physical/emotional/sexual abuse, which is obviously very traumatic for them, it is sufficient to say to the sponsee that our program is not designed to deal with all types of traumatic issues. In these situations, it is our policy to refer people to professionals. However, for us to have a list of recommended therapists would be to endorse specific people outside program and Traditions 5, 6 and 10 tell us we do not do that.
When a sponsee says something that is particularly bothersome to you, discussing it with your sponsor and processing it as soon as possible is healthy. We do not have to do anything alone in this program. Things can trigger our own issues, which may result in our own need to seek professional advice.
Setting boundaries with sponsees is appropriate when the details get too upsetting for the sponsee or the sponsor. It is also appropriate to tell a sponsee that you are not a professional and advise them to take the details of their trauma to a professional. The general concept of what happened is sufficient to tell a sponsor. While it may serve the sponsee to vent about these details, sharing the details with trained and capable professionals would be more appropriate.